from September till now wow a lot happened. Jason came and left, he worked for a bit at the faire with me. and just lots when the faire started, we tried to drive down there the first time with loki and all. and the van overheating, then limping it back and changing out the thermostat fixing the problem, I remember lots of fixing of the van in these months, changing out the radio was done at the same time as the thermostat, then changing then I remember changing the fuel filter too, just from jason letting the van run out of gas so many times. he left before the faire started, his girlfriend in virginia lost her job, then got a new one right after, least that is what he told me. he could be just avoiding me now.

the work on the camper stopped, I wasnt able to pay anyone back with the money I made, it was all I could do to keep my self fed and warm while being down there while I was, I would go back and forth staying there during the week or being home during the week, and when I was there or here it seems I spent too much money on just food. and I ended up buying a little heater for my tent that ran off of propain, so I was buying those little containers to heat my tent. it did not work well, my tent as nice as it was didnt keep a thing warm, house shaped tents are worthless. the hanging design of the tent using a frame as it did made it have a large opening of air, getting a large tent, I didnt have large enough tarps or anything to cover it fully to keep the air out, not to mention the first day I was there with loki, loki tore up my tent. he ripped the entire corner out of it, and I got so mad and broke down like crazy and wanted to just go home then and there. and yet I proceeded on.  I took the tent home and with lots of ducktape it went back into one piece, but it leaked water I dont know if ill ever use the tent again, and never in the winter less I can figure out a way to better insultate it, apparently a dome tent is so much easier to insulate, and just using tarps rather than the rain fly.

  I met people out there hung out with several new people, and some of the people from last year too, I dont know which was better sleeping in the tent this year or the van last year, I know next year if I have the van ill retrofit it out to sleep in, just for one person that would be fine, for two though it wasnt right, thats why we were going to both have a tent this year since the camper thing never worked out. I still have the camper, and I dont know if Ill be able to fix it, but at this rate I do think I will try, I just have to get my medication sorted at this point to sleep at night.  I left the job early for the renn faire, I was going to work tents and signs taking everything down, but I was worried that without my medication I would go off, and ive been worried that for a long time. and I go back and forth in my brain about which do i like better, acting like my old self thats more of an asshole and more direct, or being on the medication and being more complacent. I do like how relaxed I can be on the medication. and not getting mad is the big thing not having every little thing bother me like it has my entire life. being on the depekote I almost feel I can deal with people. but while I was working at the faire, even while on the medication I still had panic attacks. I hate that I have to wait now before I can get my medication. meh...... I think thats all I will post for now, I know i left alot out for those months but anyone can always ask.