well I managed to get my job back at dominos, working at the hickory one I was moved to before. I called the teacch place I was given the number to by my therapist, they wanted my records from other doctors, though speaking with them made me feel nervous and it was clear that they are used to dealing with people whom have no ability to take care of themselves. Is that what I am, someone who isn't properly capable of taking care of myself? I don't what ill get out of going to these places, or putting myself through these tests. Will knowing give me some kind of peace, most likely not. the further I go down this thought path I no longer see a future. I used to have a kind of plan, a hope at least for a future. Now being on all these medications and therapy and the thought of more being wrong with me I feel very lost and alone. Why would anyone want to be around me as I tally up more issues with myself. on the medications or off the medications I am still crazy and I dont understand how anyone would want to deal with me when even I hate dealing with it.

november of last year was the last time I wrote anything here, and I haven't accomplished a damn thing. I sold that camper I worked on and tore into. I have my dog completely housetrained now thats a good thing. ive started getting a new tattoo on my right leg, its of Coyote from the comic http://www.gunnerkrigg.com/ I know that coyote is originally a Navajo tribe's lore, not the cherokee to which I am related, but I felt a stronger relationship with the idea of a trickster god which he basically has un measurable wisdom. having something I can use on me to represent something of that nature is an interesting thought. I am on another new medication because one of the other main medications I am on started making my hands and legs shake, so now I have pills to stop the shaking. I went around talking to old dominos bosses seeing if cooper needed any help anywhere, I dont feel like working hard anymore, or doing much of anything. I started asking more questions at the therapy thing, asking about Aspergers, which is now just autism spectrum disorder and about being tested for it, Heh given that its 9 am now I could call and ask... guess I will. if I have it I dont know, I just dont know anymore.