Well I am doing something probably unwise with my panic attacks, I signed up to go to college this next spring, this is all 4 am ramblings after having an ok night, going out to octoberfest, didn't drink anything and it got rained out for us, I walked too fast for my mother who is still getting over her broken leg, and I just wanted to stay out of the rain. I went to the doctor finally about the pain in my leg, had this odd pain in my left leg for months now, it hurts like its numb but pain and pulling on my tendons. right now the doctor is trying to rule out a blood clot. everything I get seems to scare me with me not thinking anything about the pain other than to take some tylenol for it over and over.. I was told I need to take a baby asprin everyday to thin out my blood. I would like to go back to octoberfest again tomorrow since its free to go there, and we got pretty good parking with a handicapped tag. the only thing I didn't like was the crazy religious people screaming at people about " our sins sending us to hell " heard one small child say he was scared cause the man was talking about dying, and that to me shows how someone should show more restraint attempting to preach for their following. I know I really cant say more about churches, I don't go to one, I don't follow any religious rituals involving christianity, I have done more pagan rituals than that heheh.

but other than that I signed up for college again, to start in the spring, and im gonna do computers and try to do photography, I know 'she' is was at cvcc taking those classes and I really do not want to run into her but I want to learn about the classes so, im going to take my chance and go to learn. I really dont know what to take though all the words they use to describe the classes just boggle me. ill have to go up to the college and talk to some people to figure out exactly what I want to do

Well my mother's leg/foot had healed to the point where she is walking without a walking boot on, she got her cast taken off some weeks ago, I have worked and pretty much finished a new website for my paranormal consulting idea, not original I found out, and plenty of people have websites calling themselves such but no matter I still made the website and still intend on helping people. https://sites.google.com/site/rakowsparanormal/ I haven't been doing very much and this day I slept most of it away after taking sleeping pills last night. I have a lot of pills to take at night anymore, my depekote, for the ied, invegia for anti depression, proprepanol for the shaking that the depekote makes me do, and amitripaline trying to help me sleep I think. doesn't really make me sleep. I took an ambien last night, it made me sleep way too much today. I don't use my computer as much as I used to, I don't talk to as many people as I used to over the years. my online presence isn't as strong as it used to be even with me currently not working. I just haven't felt like being online like I used to, maybe it's the pills.