from September till now wow a lot happened. Jason came and left, he worked for a bit at the faire with me. and just lots when the faire started, we tried to drive down there the first time with loki and all. and the van overheating, then limping it back and changing out the thermostat fixing the problem, I remember lots of fixing of the van in these months, changing out the radio was done at the same time as the thermostat, then changing then I remember changing the fuel filter too, just from jason letting the van run out of gas so many times. he left before the faire started, his girlfriend in virginia lost her job, then got a new one right after, least that is what he told me. he could be just avoiding me now.

the work on the camper stopped, I wasnt able to pay anyone back with the money I made, it was all I could do to keep my self fed and warm while being down there while I was, I would go back and forth staying there during the week or being home during the week, and when I was there or here it seems I spent too much money on just food. and I ended up buying a little heater for my tent that ran off of propain, so I was buying those little containers to heat my tent. it did not work well, my tent as nice as it was didnt keep a thing warm, house shaped tents are worthless. the hanging design of the tent using a frame as it did made it have a large opening of air, getting a large tent, I didnt have large enough tarps or anything to cover it fully to keep the air out, not to mention the first day I was there with loki, loki tore up my tent. he ripped the entire corner out of it, and I got so mad and broke down like crazy and wanted to just go home then and there. and yet I proceeded on.  I took the tent home and with lots of ducktape it went back into one piece, but it leaked water I dont know if ill ever use the tent again, and never in the winter less I can figure out a way to better insultate it, apparently a dome tent is so much easier to insulate, and just using tarps rather than the rain fly.

  I met people out there hung out with several new people, and some of the people from last year too, I dont know which was better sleeping in the tent this year or the van last year, I know next year if I have the van ill retrofit it out to sleep in, just for one person that would be fine, for two though it wasnt right, thats why we were going to both have a tent this year since the camper thing never worked out. I still have the camper, and I dont know if Ill be able to fix it, but at this rate I do think I will try, I just have to get my medication sorted at this point to sleep at night.  I left the job early for the renn faire, I was going to work tents and signs taking everything down, but I was worried that without my medication I would go off, and ive been worried that for a long time. and I go back and forth in my brain about which do i like better, acting like my old self thats more of an asshole and more direct, or being on the medication and being more complacent. I do like how relaxed I can be on the medication. and not getting mad is the big thing not having every little thing bother me like it has my entire life. being on the depekote I almost feel I can deal with people. but while I was working at the faire, even while on the medication I still had panic attacks. I hate that I have to wait now before I can get my medication. meh...... I think thats all I will post for now, I know i left alot out for those months but anyone can always ask.

two new things I whittled.

august came and went, didnt really accomplish anything. I guess I did secure a job for the renn faire again so thats something. jason came and has been living here for a few weeks and he has a job at the renn faire too. been broke, trying to donate plasma, last week went to two different places, went to one of the places again today I still couldnt donate but jason could. also earlier this month my dog loki got hit by a scooter. my dog is ok he got some scrapes, so the the guy on the scooter, now he is trying  to sue me. been trying to sell the camper now, and my car, the vitara got repoed, and I dont have a large decent tent to be living in at the renn faire, and I dont want to borrow this guys tent at the faire cause I dont want loki to tear up someone elses tent. trying to sell my fathers truck as well and my mother's car and my friend jason's motor bike. just trying to sell everything for money right now. 

omg its a snake

Birthday came and went, I think I slept through it. a cake was made for me, and then passed by, this weekend went out with a friend and watched one of the bands he plays in. got sick somehow so did he, he drank a lot more than I did, only having one drink myself. and that leads me to today really slept some, been awake some and now I am just kinda around. I whittled a little bit finished this snake thing that would work to go in women's hair, and I'm working on one thing to be sorta a button to replace the one my dog chewed off.

now I think I will sit and watch the girl with the dragon tattoo, Swedish verson then the rest of the movies all on netflix.

well its the 22nd, tomorrow, monday will be my 27th birthday. what a waste this year has been for me. and ive lost a lot from that I had last year, and it doesn't feel like a year has gone by and it doesn't feel like my pain has lessened all that much. I know I have changed some from this experience I know, more that to the medication than to the pain I think but without the pain I wouldn't have gotten the medication... friend arrives at the begining of august. I tried going back to my old job asking if they needed me back, and never got a call. I really didnt want to go back there.but I do need money, now I have that van but no money to go out at all. more later I suppose

I have to remember to myself that I didnt just create this blog for rebuilding a camper, im actually trying  sell it slightly now, and my car, and a few other things I have, I want to have a yard sell soon. my big news today was that my friend came that will be traveling with me and dropped off the van so yay transportation! now possible job search?  I havent written in a few days, I havent done much, trying to get up to court house to get a ticket settled, trying to get around to different places for things setting up with food services lots of things to do before the travel happens, and still I try to just stay non stressed  so I have some toys, devil sticks, chinese yoyo thing, juggling balls I still need to learn properly to juggle. and my contact juggling which I know well how to do.  ive also been whittling over this time, messing with paracord, an some hemp heres some pictures of all that. 

Well after two storms two days in a row its killed the remaining beams and walls from where I was trying to gut the camper, the roof is slowly collapsing, so is the floor, so here I come with more pictures.

this is where my mother and I tried to put canvas and tarps over the sunroofs

and over all the wood that was still good out of the camper.

some of the peices of metal

the first day it didnt leak in the front of the camper. after today it leaked in the front too

this is the back.I wish you could see the dripping

each of the pieces of metal for the roof have bent over seams like this, I understand why to use pieces, but wouldnt one solid sheet of steel have been better.

wish you could see the hole in the floor from here

and the ceiling sags

this was the bathroom sunroof.

oh look there's the hole in the floor, see the green grass, also that is sheet metal. after 40 years or so nodda. 

can you see dripping?

there's where the seams are just seperating in the back 

I really dont know what else to say at this point its a wet mess right now in there.

Today  I tried working more on the camper woke up early and just could not get into it. after about an hour trying went in for food and so on. went back out could not get myself to do  anything, came back in and passed out on my bed, my help played video games all day.

woke up to fighting. my uncle had given my mother a black eye by punching her in the face. and I hate myself for doing nothing about it. I could have kicked his ass, called the cops or something. hell I got made at my other uncle who now has past for throwing his dog, but the difference was me being on my medication.

I just do not react at all depending on if I have it or not, even if I feel I should have kicked his ass. but I did nothing but try to keep the calm in the house, my aunt threw him out of the house for a few hours. this family is just crazy, honestly.



one note I wanted to mention about the camper, the day I bought it. when people look at me they will always see a kid I think. I rode along with the person who pulled the camper for me, because well I dont have a truck to pull it but I had the money. does the guy walk up to me, whom he had been speaking to this entire time about the camper, no. He speaks to my driver. at which point in my life will people look at me and see an adult?

I skipped working on the camper saturday so today became day two, and im making progress I hope I can keep making progress at this rate, the determining factor of this will be me obtaining supplies to rebuild the sections of the camper that are ruined, parts of the floor where the metal is just holes and so on. disconnected the fridge and heater, working on basically stripping it to a shell then going to replace what boards I can one by one. and there are alot of rotted boards, its all plywood and particle board. Now for the pictures of the day. 

theres a hole now where the heater was.

a pile of wood im gonna try to reuse

all the random things ive found in the camper, some of which is gone already, like a whip and three baseball bats

chococola anyone? 

8 tracks. 

 tennis and bad-mitten 

still has both doors, yay

you can see how much ive stripped out the front, sitting in the middle is the fridge.

you can see where there was suppose to be wood, where the camper did come together. just open space. 

this side is still connected but its still rotting

the bathroom minus a wall.

its the wall

still the wall

sun roof, yes roof 

gotten most of the old insulation out still have just over the bathroom left. 

yes this has to come out too.

the back still looks the same.

breaker box. this was in the closet...

 there are alot less things in the way now... less walls so on. it looks like alot of work, hope I can accomplish it.