Therianthropy a part of me I never talk about and something I used to allow so openly to exist now as I live on medications caging a part of me. I still sence things still feel  edgey all the time and it's not going out in the wild the woods that I love that is possibly having me so depressed. I enjoyed living in the woods working the renn fair living free in fresh air. It's a life I miss every time I leave it. I still don't know completely what will curb my spirit but I need to find it. 

I called out of work again, second day in a row I dislike the place so much I dislike being the first one to start helping at working the first to start making food and tonight I was suppose to be a driver, I knew though that's not how it would end up, I would get stuck making pizzas over and over again while Scott takes his smoke breaks. My debate continues if I should quit, I know work stresses me mentally more than anything because I take everyone's feelings in account but I have to ignore it in my mind. I am nearly 29 years old and I work at a dominos again. I shouldn't have gone back, I'm not happy working there, and these are times I wish I had someone to turn to for proper advice.i know a lot of people put up with jobs they don't like, but I haven't even moved up I've been demoted in the company working as I am, working as either a driver getting only 6.55 an hour or 7.25 as an insider. What is there for me to do, I feel trapped working there, I feel trapped in this house now too and sad enough I just want to just stay here and not do anything and that's probably the worse choice I can make. I think about going back to school but every time I try I just give up thinking I'm not smart enough or that my anger will stop me from getting the job or doing the job properly and it's because of how mad I get at work that I don't want to go back. I've told my boss I want to quit, I don't want to be relied upon and every time I say something it doesn't sink in or he just forgets. 

It's been two months? I'm amused when I go back and read these posts to see how much time has gone by and how much my feelings have changed or not, it gives me more of a plan with my own mind. I wonder how long I've been debating quitting dominos since being back p, and with this journal basicly I can look back when I got the job and how long I've been feeling bad having the job, and I know I have for at least two months. How long I go nuts being on one medication to the next. I've been on invega for a few months now and it's been better but work hasn't, and my leg hasn't gotten better either. I've gone through this constant pain for over a month now. Over two months I think I haven't really been recording the pain and I've been taking so many pain killers and shit. It's been harder for me to get pot or other with me not working as much, I had been closing more and just making more money but the more people quit and got fired, it's gotten worse at work, having to stand up more and still me just sitting more and not working out just from the pain in my leg there's nothing visibly wrong it just is a constant pain. They changed my therapist at the behavioral healthcare lace cause the guy I had been seeing quit or was fired, who knows. And my psychiatrist lost his office. He is a part time guy there, it must be nice to only have to listen to other people bitch as a job.

I need to find something else to do with my life, I need to quit dominos, I gain nothing but frustration working there, I'm getting worse and worse managing money,gas prices are going up and I'm still having to deliver which i never wanted to do and I'm having to deal with delivering cause I need the money to even get back and forth to work. And that tears up my basicly new car. I know it's an easy job but it effects me badly, physically standing there holding going to the bathroom like I have to do or just getting as aggravated as I do dealing with the people.