excitement in the bad way, after about three days of seeing my mothers dog be sick she took it to the vet this morning, with bad news, the dog has parvo, which sent my mother into sadness, crying.. lots of crying, because that is pretty much a death sentence for her dog, and all the other dogs in the house.my dog loki and my aunt and uncles poodles. magically my aunts disability check showed up 900 some dollars, which went to the 500 dollar bill of hopefully keeping my mothers dog alive and got vaccine shots for the poodles and my dog.

I failed at getting another camper today, they just go so fast from being posted to being sold and trying to get someone to even hang onto them long enough for me to see them sometimes even call them. there was a perfect one today and I missed it again, another interesting thing I saw today was a piece of property really cheap.

I really do not what will happen from one day to the next. do not know about staying here to live, I wish I wasn't left in charge of things that were my fathers or grandfathers, left to make sure things have a place to stay. I am not good at this stuff. I get too depressed to much just want to get away and I feel trapped by people by things, I didn't think that's how possessions were suppose to make you feel. that's why I want to leave. to stop worrying about things, objects, as a person they should have no meaning, a single object might bring you joy when you first get it, but it doesn't last. things will not bring happiness, so what does? I want to just sell what I have and travel and see if experiences will bring me more joy than being here. I have never moved and lived more than 50 miles from the place I was born. that just feels wrong to me.